What is your name?

Name a chicken?  What?  You say I am crazy.
Not really.  I am perfectly sane.  Didn't you name your child before they were brought home from the hospital?  Didn't you pick out a name for your cat or dog before they even left the pet store?  See.....see the pattern.  I HAD to name my chickens.
What do you name Chickens?
Most people say that if you name them, you will never eat them!  Well...of course!  Why would I eat a chicken?  Look at them!!  Just look at them...would you eat them? 
Don't answer that....I think ignorance is bliss. 
Anyway, the chicken that I would think of eating doesn't come with cute peachy feathery fuzz.  It comes from the grocery store in the meat isle. 
My chickens and those chickens are NOT even in the same category.  Trust me...I know these things.
Lest we forget I am a city slicker and at one time I did in fact believe that meat came from the store and not a farm. 
Anyway, back to naming chickens...that is where I was going with this right?
I had a feeling from the moment I got these chicks that they needed some regal, cool, out of the world names.  Old school names...names that demanded respect, commanded an audience and screamed, "We are not to be eaten!!"
And since I had to purchase 2 chicks over my original self-imposed limit, I gave naming rights to Mom and Dad for them.  My only condition was to stick with the old school names.
Marilyn Monroe hit the scene early....it just fit.  My leghorn was going to be tall, leggy, and lean. That to me says Marilyn Monroe.  We could pick her out anytime, she was and still is a bit taller than the other chicks.  We made a connection.  It felt great.  We savored the name, let it roll off our tongues just because we could.  I am sure I even pictured it in lights.  I am sure you can too!
1 down......5 to go.....
Next came Mom and Dad's choices:
Loretta Young and Dinah Shore.  I only know one of those namesakes.....but I liked the thought of a chicken called Loretta.  So, they stuck.  Since we couldn't tell the Amberlinks apart....just who was Loretta or Dinah was yet to be seen.
Please make note - Dad had open heart surgery on April 6th, he was not aware that his daughter had purchased chickens or even that he had been granted naming rights to 2 of them.  That being said, when Dad became aware of said purchase and said naming rights...he decided one needed to be called.......wait for it......"Chicken Little".  YUP, that was Dad's input.  He didn't follow directions very well.  In fact, in his mature age he is a rule breaker and this was no different. 
I have secretly named one Dinah Chicken Little Shore.  I don't think she minds.  We are just now starting to tell them apart and she has the longest name in the coop.  I am sure that will garner respect from the other chickens just as soon as they all find out who they are!
3 down.....3 to go......
I would pull names from the good ole days, Elizabeth Taylor, Katherine Hepburn, Mary Tyler Moore, Carol Burnett.....I liked them but they just didn't say Chicken to me.  Ya know?  I am sure you feel the same way.
My sister said Grace Kelly, a great name blaring with regal-ness.....
One friend suggested Audrey Hepburn.....another great suggestion, but I just didn't "feel" it.
I am sad to admit it, but since we are friends...here it goes....Madonna's song Vogue came onto the radio one day.  Can I remind you of the lyrics if you don't know them?
Vogue, vogue
Beauty's where you find it
Move to the music
Vogue, vogue
Beauty's where you find it
Go with the flow

Greta Garbo and Monroe
Deitrich and DiMaggio
Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean
On the cover of a magazine

Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean
Picture of a beauty queen
Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire
Ginger Rogers, dance on air

They had style, they had grace
Rita Hayworth gave good face
Lauren, Katherine, Lana too
Bette Davis, we love you

Ladies with an attitude
Fellows that were in the mood
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a pose, there's nothing to it

Vogue, vogue
Vogue, vogue
BAM!  Greta Garbo hit me!  I mean, it WORKED....Just like Marilyn Monroe....it SCREAMED chicken.  I LOVED it.  I decided the largest of the Amberlinks was going to be Greta. 
After Greta the names seem to just appear in my head.  With the help of Madonna. ( Should I send her a Thank You?) Next, Ginger Rogers...of course.  Ginger the chicken.  Perfect!
It is not plagiarism if you steal a name from a song.  The names were not Madonna's to begin with.  I am good.  I consulted an attorney.
Last but not least Bette Davis.  Oh Bette, Bette, Bette..  The stories I have to tell about Bette. Bette is our "runt".  She hangs out with Marilyn, she is no dummy!  Smallest protected by the biggest....Bette is definitely NOT your average bird brain.  She has it going ON!
Welcome home ladies...welcome home!

Adoption day

So, what do you take to the store to purchase chickens, one might ask?  If you are a born and bred city slicker like me, NOTHING, but your purse and some super excited kids.  What else could you possibly need?  Happy Easter!! 
We invade Tractor Supply and head straight for the chicks.  The kids are running circles, screaming, "Get this one Mom!  No, get this one! Oh wait, these are cute!  Can we take these home?  Mom!! Mom!! "  I think you get the picture.
I, on the other hand, calming ask a more knowledgeable person who works at the store to please help us.  I believe these were my exact words.  "Hi there.  We would like to purchase some chickens.  I would like them to be good egg layers (that is the purpose, right?) and they need to be all girls.  Thank you."
Do you know who can purchase chicks?  ANYONE!  You don't need a special license, a special certificate showing you passed "How to raise chickens" class, a college degree in farming, NOTHING...just the strong desire to have chickens.  CRAZY!!  I think my inner warning signals might have been going off around this point, but being a smart and in tune individual I chose to ignore them.  
The wonderful lady was a God send.  I have to admit she amazed me..she had all the answers and all the questions...frankly I wanted to bring her home.  I have come to know her very well in the past couple of months.  I still think she is amazing!  (AL = amazing lady)
AL - Have you ever raised chickens before?
Me - No.
AL - Okay, well...you need to have food and water dishes.  We sell a starter kit, but the chicks out grow it fairly quickly.  I would recommend going for the bigger sizes and not worrying about trading the dishes out as the chickens grow.
Me - Okay.  Ummm..Son, you might need to go get a cart. 
AL - Now you need to think about feeding them.  Here is the baby chick feed.  I recommend the larger size bag, more cost effective.
About this time, my inner warning signals are shooting red flares but again I ignore them. 
I am thinking to myself, "Oh my! Holy cow! Hubby might shoot me.  Am I really doing this?  Where is my common sense?  MOM!!!!"
Me - Okay.  So this 50 lb bag should do it right?  Son, can you help me load this on the cart.  Daughter can you grab the 2 feeders? 
AL - What are you going to keep them in?  Is it plastic, wooden or metal?
Me - Hmmm.....good question.  Keep them in??  Well, we have a plastic tub for right now. Will that work?  I mean, we plan, okay, well my husband plans on making a bigger box. (brooder box, I have since learned) They should be in that box in the next few days.  Is that okay?  Will they be okay in that?
AL - Yes, as long as you don't keep them in the tub for long you should be good.  Plastic can breed disease and you don't want that.
Me - Disease?!?!  Okay, okay, I will get my hubby going on that box asap.
Mental note: Hubby is definitely going to kill me.  I can't believe I thought we could do this. Holy Cow! Yikes!  MOM!!
AL - Now for the chicks...what type do you want?  We have only a few left.  And the other choices aren't good for you because we can't tell if they are boys (roosters) or girls (hens). 
Me - ONLY girls, I must come home with only girls!  So that narrows my choices to these 2 bins.  Hmmmm....why is that little chick all by herself?  What is wrong with her?  How could someone just leave one little chick alone.  I can't leave her..can I have her?  We need to take her.  What is she?
AL - She is a Leghorn.  She will be long and tall and lean.  Really pretty.  If no one buys her today I was going to take her home.
Me - Consider her mine.  Will she get along with the others I pick.  I don't want them arguing or picking on each other.  (Yes, I did say that out loud) 
AL - She should be fine.  You will love her.
Me - Okay, now to pick 3 others......
AL - Oh, you have to buy 6 total.  We like to keep them together in groups.  Better for them as a flock.
Me - What?!?! I have to buy 2 more! 
Warning signals, Warning flares, Warning sirens....all in full force....MOM!!
AL - How about 5 of these Amberlinks...they are cute and will be white like the Leghorn.  They are going to be shorter,a little rounder...
Me - Ummmm.....okay.  Kids, you okay with this? 
AL preceded to put all chicks in a cardboard box.  Kinda like the type you put a 6-pack in.  I am in disbelief.  I can't believe they are going to just let me leave with them!  In a BOX! 
I have to tell you that what was truly going through my mind was almost identical to when I gave birth to my son.  I remember thinking at the hospital, "They are going to let me leave with this child.  NO books, no classes, just me and this child.  What in the world are they thinking?"  They aren't thinking...that is what is happening.
AL - Just a couple of items for you to get.  Wood shavings, get the big size so the chicks don't eat it.  You can order that up at the register.  Also, don't forget a heating lamp.  To keep them nice and warm.
Me - Okay, okay...I think I got this...we can do this.....we can do this.....  We can do this, right?

Baby chicks in the box for the ride home

**Side note:  Yes, I was silently screaming for my Mom!  I am not ashamed to admit it.  I don't know too many people that when faced with a new situation, an uncomfortable event, feeling ill, or purchasing chickens for the first time don't scream out for their Moms.  I feel it is a natural chain of events.  Moms are supposed to come running, ready to assist or rescue, no matter what.  Never mind the fact that my Mom is not a chicken owner, never took a class on chickens, or even knew I was calling for her.** 

Here We Go!

So, let me take this time to fill you in on our family story.  There are 4 of us.  My wonderful hardworking hubby, my creative and very analytical son, my dynamic and sensitive daughter and me, I'm a wife, a mother, and Jazzercise instructor.  We don't live on a farm.  We are not on an acreage, to be down right honest, I don't really care for "nature".  I am not sure I would want to live on a farm. Before you jump to conclusions, that just means that I am not a real outdoorsy person, I don't like to touch nature or have nature touch me.  I like to think we have an agreement.  We can discuss this issue at another time. 
We have started the road to healthy, organic, sustainable living for a few years now and lately it has truly become a life style for us. Cutting out processed sugars and meats, adding raw milk to our diets, kefir and the such. Bigger changes have been our garden in our backyard, which grows larger each year as we decide we want more and more veggies on our plates!  Our family has truly reaped the benefits of our efforts and in staying true to our choices we have been purchasing local, free range chicken eggs.  LOVE them! They are so yummy....so rich....so colorful (not in the colored Easter egg kinda way).
Needless to say the conversation of owning chickens has come up.  Never to be taken seriously, because #1 we live in the city limits, #2 we have 2 kids that drive us crazy already, #3 we don't have our property fenced, and lastly # 4 we have absolutely NO knowledge about farm animals etc.  I have a hard enough time going to the farm with my friend, Bernadette to get our milk!  Kid you not!!!  Did I mention I am a city girl?  Okay, just checking....  After a very eventful tour of the farm, I now stay in the car.  Again, we can discuss that at a later date.
We found ourselves visiting the local Tractor Supply lovingly admiring the baby chicks they had for sale.  Not the first time, mind you, and I am fairly certain it won't be the last. Aren't baby chicks the CUTEST things ever!!!  I mean really.....never mind they grow up...and POOP every where!  Just adorable.
But we would always leave empty handed.  Remember our list above as to why.
This year, well.....this year was different.
I did research.  Lees Summit can HAVE chickens in the city limits!  Not only can we have chickens, we can have up to 8 chickens.  ONLY condition they have to be all girls, hens, PULLETS as I am so now educated.  No roosters allowed.  Side note: That could work for other areas of women's lives...I just know it.  But again, we will have to discuss later, lest I digress......
Also, a wonderful church friend already had chickens and so wonderfully shared her experiences, her knowledge and all the reasons why we should make the jump to chicken ownership.
Easter was fast approaching, my Dad was scheduled for open heart surgery on Good Friday, what better time to buy chickens.  I mean, doesn't everyone make decisions like that under stressful conditions?  No? Really!  Perhaps my husband and I need to revisit this process for other life decisions we make....
In a very impromptu conversation on April 7th hubby and I decided we must either buy chickens now or by the time Easter is done there will be none left and will have missed out on another year.  Hindsight we have learned chicks are not seasonal and we can purchase them anytime, but hey, again let me refer to reason #4 above.
I load the kids up in the car, leave hubby home (cuz that seemed like a good idea) and off we went to buy chicks........